When getting out the door feels hard
By Brio & Bloom · Everyday moments · 3 minute read
You are standing in the hallway, keys in hand. The bag is packed. You are already running late. And your child cannot seem to take the next step.
If you have heard yourself say, “Why won't you just get in the car?”, you are not alone. Getting out the door can be hard for everyone involved. You can wish the morning were easier and still respond with care.
Pause before deciding why
From the outside, a difficult departure can look like refusal. Your child might be worried about where you are going, uncomfortable in their clothes, absorbed in what they were doing or unsure about what comes next. You may not know yet.
When there is a calmer moment, ask what felt difficult. Keep the question small: “Was it leaving your game, getting dressed or going to school?” Make room for their own answer, including “I don't know.”
Make the next step clear
A long list of instructions can be a lot to take in during a rushed morning. You could try one short step at a time, a familiar sequence or a simple picture of what happens next.
For example: “First shoes, then the car.” A little warning before finishing a favourite activity may also be worth trying. Notice what suits your child rather than expecting one approach to work every time.
Leave a little room for choice
Where it is practical, offer a small choice within the plan: which jumper to wear or which song to listen to on the way. Keep it manageable; a tired child may not want more decisions.
A familiar object may be something they enjoy having nearby. Follow any product's age and safety guidance, and check that anything taken in the car can be carried and secured safely.
Make space for the feeling
You do not need the perfect words. “I can see this feels hard. I'm here with you” can be a place to begin.
Raising Children Network recommends acknowledging a child's anxiety and gently supporting them to face worries in manageable steps. If anxiety is regularly affecting everyday life, get advice tailored to your child rather than trying to work through it alone.
Look after the parent in the hallway
These moments can leave you frustrated, worried or embarrassed. A difficult morning is not a verdict on your parenting. If you spoke more sharply than you wanted, you can come back to it later: “We had a hard morning. I'm sorry I shouted. Let's think about what might help tomorrow.”
When possible, plan in a quiet moment rather than during the rush. Pack one thing the night before, ask another adult for help or talk with the school about the part of the morning that is difficult.
When to ask for more support
If worries are persistent, upsetting or getting in the way of school, sleep, friendships or family life, speak with your GP or another qualified health professional. Support can include the adults around your child too.
You do not need to solve every morning today. Start with understanding one difficult moment and one small thing to try.
Further reading
Raising Children Network: anxiety in children and childhood fears
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About these stories
Brio & Bloom is a small Australian business founded by Dana, a mum of twins. Our parent resources offer encouragement and general information; they do not replace advice about your child's individual needs.