Getting to know the child in front of you
By Brio & Bloom · Parent stories · 3 minute read
Sometimes parenting looks different from the picture you once had in your head. Your child might prefer the edge of the party to the middle of it. Getting ready for school might take more time, more patience and more energy than you expected.
You can love your child completely and still find some days hard. There is room for both.
Meet them where they are
It is easy to get caught between what other children are doing and what someone says your child should be doing. Comparisons can make it harder to notice the person right in front of you: their interests, their humour, the things that delight them, and the things they find difficult.
A quieter afternoon, a different way to join in or a little more preparation may suit your child better. Getting to know those preferences is part of getting to know them.
Get curious about the difficult moments
When a day goes sideways, try starting with a question rather than a judgement. What happened just before things became difficult? Was the room busy? Was there an unexpected change? Were they tired, hungry or unsure what came next?
You do not have to find the answer immediately. A few notes about what happened and what helped can be a useful starting point for a conversation with a teacher or health professional.
Notice what feels good, too
The hard parts can take up a lot of attention. Make a little room for the easy moments: the story they want to tell you, the game they return to, the way they notice something you missed.
There is no need to turn every interest into a lesson or every afternoon into progress. Sometimes enjoying something together is enough.
You deserve support as well
Being on your child's side does not mean doing everything alone. A trusted friend, another parent, your child's teacher or a health professional can be part of your family's support.
If you have concerns about your child's development or wellbeing, speak with your GP or child and family health nurse. You do not need to work it all out before asking.
A little room to be themselves
Your child does not have to be like every other child to be loved, included and understood. They deserve support that recognises who they are. And you deserve kindness while you work out what that looks like for your family.
Start with the child in front of you. Keep getting to know them. There is no perfect version of this.
Further reading
Raising Children Network: child development and family support
More from one parent to another
About these stories
Brio & Bloom is a small Australian business founded by Dana, a mum of twins. Our parent resources offer encouragement and general information; they do not replace advice about your child's individual needs.